SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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