you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
