No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
