some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
