I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
