lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
