Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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