I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
