I hate all girls vehemently.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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