They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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