Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
