Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
