I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
