she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
