ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
