Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My hand turned me down
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
