you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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