Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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