Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
