you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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