DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
