dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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