he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my being single is dangerous.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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