i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
