I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My cat gives me a boner
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
