Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
