In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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