i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
