I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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