my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
