i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
