It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
