your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
