There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
