Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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