Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
