Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
