Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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