If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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