Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
