SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
