I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
