Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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