my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
