Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
