Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
