I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
