Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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