He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
