I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
