You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
