return my video game
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
