Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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