You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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