ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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