I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
